Blog

the only creditable family unit is between man and woman and secondly because it paints men in a stereotypical knuckle dragging fashion.  

It would be easy to refute such populist writing, but I would rather make a few separate if related points. As a therapist dealing with several young adults (18 – 25) I can suggest that children form attachment to and need the validation of care givers regardless of the latter’s gender. Gay couples can be equally if not more successful in raising children, even if there is ‘no man’ or indeed ‘two men’. We do not even need to mention foster parents, single parents and adoptive parents here. 

The key is the level of emotional involvement of the care giver not the gender or social roles. There have been several pieces of research that have shown that children thrive more in single parent scenarios rather than cared by couples where one adult displays anti-social behaviour. It is less about whether a ‘man’ is present or not – it is about the care they can provide the child.

The overwhelming point here is about the quality of care not about who provides it. There are plenty of cases where biological connections do not ensure the child has the best care. I have recently attended training regarding childhood verbal abuse, which overwhelmingly occurs within the family unit. Globally, 41% of children have experienced harmful verbal abuse by adults around them. Verbal abuse can lead to feelings of sadness, low confidence, depression, and anxiety, among other emotional challenges.  

Lastly, the point made by this article is about social stigma and how that would somehow be a force for change. Is public shaming the key to change in a mature society? Is it really? Or is it yet another way an entitled segment of society is trying out to impose their morality? Maybe we should also end the stigma against people who do not want to have children. Some people want to be parents some do not – and in my experience – the latter, when forced to have children by societal norms – are more at risk of dissociation with their offspring.  

in various real-world scenarios. For instance:

Healthcare Costs: Here is a story from 2018 - "Teachers donate 100 sick days to colleague with cancer" commented a BBC news story - a wonderful gesture by that community. Nobody asked however why a person in that condition could not access resources and get paid time off from the employer or local government?  

Education Inequality: Here is one from 2023 in the US (International Business Times) - "College Football Player Gives His Scholarship To Teammate Who Sells His Plasma To Afford School" - maybe, just maybe, people should not have to sell plasma to afford an education.  

Mental Health: So many individuals running marathons to support charities like The Outside Project - a LGBTIQA+ Community Shelter, Centre and Domestic Abuse Refuge - housing those kicked out from home for being non-heterosexual.  

These stories, while important and well-meaning, can sometimes distract us from asking the bigger, harder questions.  

The Orphan-Crushing Machine metaphor is essentially a call to action—beyond celebrating acts of kindness - but more to invite people to critically examine the structures that perpetuate inequality and suffering. How about we look into dismantling oppressive structures rather than pat ourselves on the back for rescuing their victims?  

While there's clearly nothing wrong with celebrating heartwarming acts, it's crucial that we go deeper. What policies or systemic changes could prevent the problem from occurring in the first place? How can we challenge the status quo rather than accept it as an immovable reality?

In the end, the Orphan-Crushing Machine is a reminder to balance compassion with critical thinking. Let's save the orphans, yes—but let's also dismantle the machine. Or maybe, just until now, we are wired for miracles and we leave it all be as is...

life. It is also true that playing computer games can positively impact your mental well-being. 

Here’s how:

1. Stress Relief

Playing computer games can be a great way to unwind and escape from the stresses of daily life. Immersing yourself in a virtual world allows you to take a break from reality, providing a sense of relaxation and mental relief. Engaging in a game that you enjoy can help reduce stress levels and promote a more positive mood. Those of us who organise raiding parties in games such as World of Warcraft may beg to differ 😊!

2. Cognitive Enhancement

Many computer games are designed to challenge your brain and improve cognitive functions. Strategy games, puzzles, and role-playing games (RPGs) require critical thinking, problem-solving, and planning skills. Regularly engaging in these types of games can enhance your memory, attention, and overall cognitive abilities. 

3. Social Connection

Online multiplayer games offer opportunities for social interaction and connection. Whether you’re teaming up with friends or meeting new people from around the world, these games foster a sense of community and belonging. Building relationships and working together towards common goals can boost your social skills and combat feelings of loneliness. Leroy Jenkins! (only legends will know this!)

4. Emotional Resilience

Computer games often present players with challenges and obstacles that need to be overcome. Successfully navigating these challenges can build emotional resilience and teach you how to cope with failure and frustration. The sense of accomplishment and progress can also contribute to a positive self-image and increased self-confidence.

5. Mindfulness and Relaxation

Many games incorporate elements of mindfulness and relaxation, such as calming music, peaceful scenery, and meditative activities. These games can help players practice mindfulness techniques, reduce anxiety, and promote a sense of calm and well-being.

6. Gender exploration

Some games, such as the Mass Effect series allow the player to create their own character and ‘build’ their in-game gender in a way that differs from their real-world experience. In this way, some players, who are gender querying, can explore a fantasy world, in a safe space, getting a feel for what it would be like to be able to present in the gender or orientation they feel most genuine in.  

7. Physical Health Benefits

While it may seem counterintuitive, some computer games encourage physical activity. Motion-sensing games, such as those played on consoles with motion sensors, can get you up and moving. This physical activity can improve your mood, reduce stress, and promote overall health.

Playing computer games, in moderation, can offer a wide range of mental health benefits. From stress relief and cognitive enhancement to social connection and emotional resilience, the positive effects of gaming are numerous. It’s important to choose games that align with your interests and needs, and to balance gaming with other healthy activities. Remember, the key is to enjoy gaming as part of a well-rounded lifestyle that supports your mental and emotional well-being.

discrimination, homophobia, transphobia, and social exclusion. A commitment to social justice ensures that counsellors are not only supportive but also actively working to dismantle oppressive structures that harm their clients. 

Oppression is not a word I throw about in jest. It is very much a real lived experience of many clients I see. It can take the form of being subjected to homo/transphobic comments when visiting health services, not being taken seriously by law enforcement, not being able (in some countries) to take out a joint mortgage or recognised as next of kin, being bullied, verbally and physically assaulted, denied employment or support, thrown out of homes and shunned by families, being denied access to public toilets and many more. 

While technical skills and empathy are crucial for a therapist, a lack of commitment to social justice can limit a counsellor's ability to fully understand and address the unique challenges faced by LGBTQIA+ clients. Without this commitment, there's a risk of perpetuating the very systems of oppression that affirmative counselling seeks to challenge. A counsellor can become patronising, dismissive, insensitive or engage in micro-aggressions. There is a difference between making an honest mistake (I know I have made a few) and pathologizing or dismissing clients' real world issues as irrelevant. I have had clients who reported previous therapists denying their orientation by claiming they have just not met the right girl, or asking a couple of lesbians about intercourse. If not careful, the therapy room can become an area rife with the same imbalanced power dynamic as anywhere else. 

In essence,  without a commitment to social justice, the effectiveness and depth of support provided may be compromised. True affirmation goes beyond individual therapy sessions—it involves advocating for broader societal change to create a more inclusive and equitable world for all.

it actually holds a toy, they are demonstrating an understanding of ToM.  

As interesting as that may be from an academic point of view - why does this matter back in the real world?  Here are a few ways in which ToM is relevant:

Social Interaction: ToM is essential for effective communication and social interaction. It helps us predict how others might react in various situations.

Empathy: Understanding others' emotions fosters empathy, enabling us to connect on a deeper level. This connection is vital for forming friendships and maintaining social bonds.

Conflict Resolution: By recognizing differing perspectives, ToM allows individuals to see beyond their own viewpoint and consider the feelings and thoughts of others.

Developmental Milestone: Typically, children begin to develop Theory of Mind around the age of four. This development is crucial for their social skills and emotional intelligence.

Incorporating the principles of Theory of Mind into counselling practice can significantly enhance the therapeutic experience. By fostering empathy, improving communication, and tailoring interventions, counsellors can create a more effective and supportive environment for their clients. Equally, clients whose ToM development has been impaired by trauma, abuse or neglect, need even more guidance, unconditional positive regards and patience to progress in a meaningful way.  Certain communities, such as the LGBTQIA+ folk,  may face unique challenges. For example, individuals who grow up in non-affirming environments may struggle to understand their own identities and the perspectives of others. This can hinder their social interactions and emotional development. 

ToM development is not about intelligence or cognitive ability - it is about the ability to see the world from a different perspective and as such is important in emotional growth and development. 

So now you know...stay safe out there.

Mike